In response to the person that messaged me about subs not having the right of consent, and submission not being a gift. I Mistakenly sent this reply back private to him as I used my cell phone. If he wishes to repost the message he sent to me I will be happy to publish it.
For a start, no matter…
The full response….to start I am a female and one who is submissive. Not A submissive but submissive by nature. I also have real life experience, if you really want to know how much ask me, hint, I have had Ds relationships longer than you have been in the scene but thank you for attempting to imply my RL experience was negligible.
Submission is a gift is one of the biggest misconceptions there are. It promotes this sense of entitlement in submissives and this inflated ego crap in dominants. Tumblr seems to hang on to it for grim life. So education time. Ds is a relationship dynamic. Within that relationship there are two, or more, people. For the power exchange component to function there must be an EXCHANGE of power. Not a giving of a gift! Its the choice to surrender control to someone who wishes to take control. No gift giving there. Gift are given unconditionally, submission has an expectation or requirement of dominance. Gifts are not given with limits in place, here you can have this snazzy tea set I thought you would love but you can only use it on Tuesdays and with Green tea with a hint of jasmine……ummmm right. Yet when we surrender control we do that, at least initially. Additionally if the Ds is not working for whatever reason the relationship can be ended by either party. Since when are gifts given to later be revoked? This belief that submission is precious and wonderful to be treasured is a myth perpetuated by the internet and people with no idea. Its a relationship dynamic people. He leads, I follow. He says turn right, I turn right. He says no panties cunt, and I wear none. Its not some precious ornament to be put on a shelf and admired from behind glass to protect it. Its hard work, that requires TWO to make it work. One leads, one follows. No gifts wrapped up ribbon with me sitting here expectantly waiting to be treated like a precious little princess because of the amazing gift I gave Him. I surrender so I can make His life better, not so He is required to coddle me like some pretty little bauble.
On consent,I never said they do not have the right to consent, yes a submissive has to give consent, but guess what? So does the dominant! This is not a one way street led by the submissive, The dominant does not sit there expectantly waiting for the submissive to give them permission to dominate. The dominant can easily say no, I do not consent to this. The Dominant has the control in the relationship, at least to the extent that BOTH of them decide, not one, but BOTH. Either can pull consent at any point. Simply because the submissive can revoke consent does not give them all of the power. The only caveat here is within O/p or M/s CNC relationships where final consent has been given by the property/slave, they have given over consent including the right to leave. You may call that abuse all you like but remember they AGREED to this relationship dynamic, they gave their consent including the right to revoke it.
My point in all of this? Open your mind. There is no one true way, there are many different relationship dynamics, whether you agree with them or not. Calling one abuse simply because it is not for you is extremely disrespectful to those living that life.
Ok firstly I will apologize for mistaking your gender. I really never considered it when replying to you, as I was on my cell phone at work.
You say that I implied that your RL experience was ‘Negligible’ is not true. I had no idea or opinion on how long you have been in the lifestyle.
Now back to submission as a gift. You make a very ‘bland’ point when you try to compare the gift of submission to the giving of a ‘present’. I think it’s safe to say that almost nobody that read my post and seen me using the word gift in relation to submission, thought I was in any way using the word ‘Gift’ in that context. I and a huge majority of people, not only on Tumblr but in RL to, see submission as something that is difficult to achieve for many reasons. Submissive’ (Women) are usually strong minded, independent, hard working, and strong willed. Submission if it is given easily, In my opinion is not true submission. So, I see a strong woman who has the courage & strength to kneel to me and offer her submission, as offering me a very precious gift. Not a PRESENT that can be taken back in the context you used, but as something so personal to her and took her so much courage and strength to give to me, then yes, I see that as a true gift. You took my use of the word ‘GIFT’ wayyyyy out of the context it was used in.
And yes, D/s dynamics are very hard work for both involved. On that point I cannot argue. But for you to say that the idea of submission being a gift is an idea perpetuated by the internet and not true of RL D/s, then I totally disagree. In fact I think it is actually the other way around. i think so many in the lifestyle in RL see the beauty of submission as a gift, and that in turn has filtered onto the internet.
So now onto your point about Consent. I agree with everything you said on consent up to this point:
"The only caveat here is within O/p or M/s CNC relationships where final consent has been given by the property/slave, they have given over consent including the right to leave. You may call that abuse all you like but remember they AGREED to this relationship dynamic, they gave their consent including the right to revoke it."
Yes I do call that abuse. And here’s why. Any Human being would understand that we change over time, we evolve, our thoughts change, our ideas, our perceptions. Our likes and dislikes change. So what happens in one of those dynamics when a ‘slave’ changes their mind and wishes to leave? What is the Dominant going to do to stop them leaving? Tie them up forever? Beat them up daily? Bury them in the back yard under the patio? How are they actually going to stop someone withdrawing consent and leaving? I’m very interested in how this would be achieved without it being termed ‘ABUSE’. Because it was written in a contract? I’ve got news for you, D/s M/s or any other such type of contract does not hold ANY weight in the criminal law systems. They are not valid in any way. Not one Country on this planet recognizes D/s contracts as legally binding.No judge on this green earth will say to a slave or submissive, Oh but you signed here to say that you will stay with this person forever, even if you do not want to stay any longer, even if he beats you after you have withdrawn consent, even if he rapes you against your will every night (After all if he has sex with her after consent is withdrawn, it is RAPE). Slavery in this form was made illegal and done away with for very good reasons. So kindly please explain how this ‘Master’ would enforce the contract and make her stay?
Now to your final point about me insulting those in the lifestyle that live this way by calling them abusers… HELL YES!!
I am calling ANYONE that would attempt to enforce such a contract and make someone stay against their will after consent is withdrawn, AS AN ABUSER! No if, buts, or maybe’s about it… IT IS ABUSE! ABUSE ABUSE ABUSE!
Do you just ever love a person so much
But not in a sexual/romantic way
You just love them so much it’s not even a friendship
It’s like they’re your sibling or a platonic soul mate
You don’t want to make out with them or do sexual things
You just want to keep them close to you and protect them and be their friend for life